Cookaholics Bulletin Board

The ready-made pizza dough I buy at my local market is Lamonica's, from Los Angeles. My sweetie just noticed tonight that the plastic bag comes with some "recipes" on the back. And that clearly someone who works at Lamonica's is a frustrated early 19th century novelist. The random capitals, the DIY grammar, the cryptic instructions. Pure gold! Consider these gems:





Of course, I'm thinking: "Ok, I've added the sausage, and I'm lying on my back. Now what?"

What's your favorite back-of-the-crate recipe?

Anything translated into English by someone whose first language is not English. I know that's a gross exaggeration, but I find it frequently to be true.

Amy

Too true Amy. I was at a restaurant once where they translated crayfish as "river craps". Tasty?

Mary

I thought was was just that the nouns were capitalized. That would have suggested to me that the author was a German speaker, right up until Golden Brown.

Over on Serious Eats they've recently reviewed the Mock Apple Pie recipe that's been on the Ritz Crackers box forever.

Pete,

Yeah, that's why I said 19th century. The phrase "Golden Brown" is used several times on the wrapper.

I've made Mock Apple Pie. It's disturbing.

I used to have a really great one for stuffed tomatoes from the back of a Pompeiian olive oil bottle (Hey, at the time, that was the only olive oil available in my corner of Podunk). It actually said to salt and drain the tomatoes before CK invented the technique. It was time traveling olive oil.

I've been on more than one restaurant in Italy where the english version of the menu refers to "chicken" as "kitchen"

Fuzzy, I was reading along with the second recipe and laughing hysterically at the roll over.

I remember a Chinese restaurant in NYC we went to all the time that had a dish called dragon meets phenis. A rather racy dish.

I was in my fave pizza/pasta place recently and when I asked what the soup was that day, I could have sworn the waitress said 'Vegetable Crap' I assumed I was mishearing her and ordered the soup - it was kind of like minestrone w/crab...actually pretty good